I am 77 and all of the kids have left the house over 20 years ago. I was just talking to my wife about how the house feels empty, now that we don’t have the little ones hanging around and taking up our time. We use to have a purpose of feeding, clothing and educating them. We worried when they drove the car or went on a foreign trip. In addition, we have moved homes since we raised the kids, so there isn’t a familiarity of things with them in the new house. It is true that if you have grand children you love them, when they come around, but you are different now, you don’t feel the same as you did with your original kids. You often try and rationalize it, and say that that the kids all have their own life and that they can do what they want. But it is not so easy when they move far away and you are just a phone call away or can spend an afternoon or dinner together.

When the Home Loses Its Purpose

There is a sadness as we have had to adjust to living in a quiet home, as a lot of it has lost its purpose, which was to raise the kids. Many of our friends have had kids of their own and they were the group that we socialized with. We would go to sports together, take picnics and do things that families do when there are a bunch of kids together. Often picnics and outdoor adventures. Once the kids have grown, I noticed that a lot of different family get togethers disappeared and the adventures that you did with your kids have changed. They do similar things, but with their own spouse and you often are not included, plus you are older and your body doesn’t perform like it did. The routines have changed. I don’t think its for the better or worse, but things are just different.

Rediscovering Each Other in the Quiet

The noisy busy house is empty except for pictures and memorabilia from the past. A lot of identity is gone and we are no longer a caregiver except as needed for our spouse. It is quite an emotional shift and you now have the time to focus on yourself and each other. You have to learn to be spiritual and communicate. You are more forgiving and understanding as the times have changed if you want to stay together. It is often awkward as you are kind of are with a stranger with everything is familiar. Motivation has to be recreated and you have to build new routines and goals. Yes you can talk to your kids and get to visit your grand children and that is fun, but it is brief and often not that meaningful. You feel both sad and proud at the same time that you accomplished something. But it for the most part, a stage in life that is over.

A New Season of Spiritual Purpose

The kids have their own family and are doing the work in the accumulating asset phases of their life. Here I noticed that spirituality really helps you because you have time on your hands and can help other people deal with their lives. You can do new projects and spend more time doing the things that you like. But one of the great purposes of being alive, to propagate the species, is done. I see a lot of loneliness in older people, but you have to realize that for your soul, you have accomplished a lot and soon you will get to be with your friends and family in the afterlife.

Love and Peace as the Lasting Principles

Here you won’t feel pain and you can review your life before you choose another one. Spirituality is understanding that there is more to life than just your physical presence, it is just a phase of transformation and understanding for that is what it is all about, you often only realize it in hindsight. But love and peace are still the main principles that stand out in this earthly journey that you have taken. Enjoy it while you can in your body.